FRFI: Newcastle Council Budget
Wemyss and I are the greatest.
Tomorrow! Come down and get involved.
The above image is of Hassanat & her 3 children. Tonight, Hassanat is in a deportation prison, threatened with being flown to Nigeria on Saturday night. Her children are with her, in the same cell.
In 2006, Hassanat fled Nigeria. She fled as her daughter was threatened with female genital cutting. FGC is a pratice which varies in specifics - sometimes only the clitoris is removed, sometimes the whole organ is carved from the body. What is universally true of FGC is that it is agony. Hassanat’s oldest child is 7.
Hassanat is a victim of the racism of the British immigration system. 2 of her children have lived here for their entire lives. In Nigeria, Hassanat has no family to support her, & her children are likely to be threatened with FGC. As Imperialism ravages the world, we can only see the forcible removal of Hassanat & people like her as a vicious & disgusting racism.
Click here to find out more about Hassanat, & how you can help her.
In an attempt to maintain my snark - the essence upon which all good e-writing is founded - I have decided to write a short polemic. The problem is that I currently lack clarity as to what the topic might be. It cannot be work, they’ll get me with thumbscrews for even an attempt. I do not feel as much anger towards pop-culture as I once did. I am not currently in the mood to vent politically - my article in the new issue of FRFI has sated me for the moment. It appears that the only possibility for a rant is something altogether useless in the great debates of our time. To this end, here I present to you my opinion of the great snow hysteria of 2013.
To present my argument with a certain clarity, I think it wise to offer a few opening remarks. I am aware that one human bring has, immensely regrettably, passed away. This shall receive no further commentary. I would also like to state that I understand falling over can be both painful and embarrassing. It is also hilarious.
Death and slapstick aside, the snow has caused a certain pandemonium over the last two weeks. Busses have been cancelled, schools shut, the wage-slaves of the world have had to sacrifice their food for taxi money to get to work: it’s been awful. Debates have ranged from the absurd ‘is it safety smart to let children outside in weather which was, for us, a formative, halcyon memory’, to the less absurd ‘is this all scare-mongering bollocks?’. For what it’s worth, both arguments cited are idiocy. The correct argument?
None of this matters in the slightest.
‘Oh Christ, here we go,’ you may think. ‘Another rant against the ridiculous nature of the media,’ your instincts may thunder. Well, yes, in a manner of speaking. The media has played something of a large role here. Every night, every single fucking night, I have been presented with terrifying shots of snow. An empty highway, with snowfall in the background: the apocalypse is nigh. Someone shovelling snow from the path: the apocalypse is nigh. A weather chart of cold temperatures and projected centimeters of icy death: the apocalypse is nigh. However, with the British state and, subsequently, the media trying to drum up more hatred for “Islamists” in Mali and Somalia to justify more racist, imperialist war, the snow hysteria has not been as horrendous as it it could be. Racism comes first for the BBC.
So, who is to blame for this hysteria? The general public? Schools and the education system? The snow itself?
The answer is simple: no-one is responsible because there’s nothing to be responsible for. Obviously, snowfall at this level is humanity’s fault and an indication of global warming, however, let’s be honest, were you really hysterical? I don’t think you were. I don’t think anyone was.
Thus, we come to the crux of my argument: I don’t think there was any hysteria. I think that this is the vague illusion created by snarky social network users and television presenters unversed in irony or wit. I think the great snow hysteria is a conspiracy dreamt up by people who want to complain, in a bourgeois sense, about the “state of the nation”. I think people like my younger self are the problem here, and I think we should be hung.
Didn’t expect that, did you? Fucking dickhead.
As I have conclusively demonstrated in this post, your average internet polemic hasn’t got a fucking clue what its target is. As snow itself isn’t an antagonistic force, the enemy in this situation is contrived from one of three options. The government is a potential target: bad policy, not enough grit, and a certain degree of incompitence are always fun topics. Next up, the media and its continuous reporting is always fun to write about. With such a wealth of material, it would be very difficult not to be witty. However, the prime target for any polemicist in the conditions offered is the general public. You’re all soft and stupid. You run around screaming about snow in the ear of come who may. You panic alll time.
But, let’s be honest, writers like me made that all up, didn’t we? Just so we could have something to write about, we made everone look contemptibley stupid. We pretended you cared about snow, about not being able to get to work, about your children not bring able to learn one page of a text book.
We deeply apologise for making up a hysteria.
Diane Keaton and Woody Allen
I love thee Woody. Annie Hall by myself? Aye.
Tonight at Bar Loco I will be ranting & shit. Come down.